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I was mocked and belittled into a bitter cocoon of self-hatred which became my resting place. My comfort zone was so uncomfortable that self-destructive habits were formed to loosen the grip of the suicidal ideations. Terrified to take serious measures to terminate my existence, I committed myself to self-torture. I did not realize it then, but I hated myself so much because of others distaste for me that I joined them in humiliating me. I bullied myself.  How can we become so cozy in misery, begging God to stop messing with the placement of oozing wounds as He orchestrates our healing? God has healed me from many things, nonetheless, there are remnants of a lack of self-reconciliation that lingers about. Sure, I share my testimony, show Godly love and kindness, and sacrifice myself, but when it comes to loving me, I am always short about twenty-five cents. I never understood why until my teacher, God, thank you for her, pointed out that I have not been reconciled to myself. My relatives and peers informed me that my feet were ugly early on in life with taunts, deriding me for an aspect of myself that I had no control over and could not change if I wanted to. Codependently, I did not stop to consider what I thought about my feet as a child. Their opinion of me became my opinion of me instantly. Echoing through the hallways of my battered heart is Isaiah 52:7 which declares that my feet are beautiful. But why? Why would God say that something is beautiful that the world calls ugly?

“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!” Isaiah 52:7

God is not looking at the foot itself, the smoothness, the color of the skin, as my feet are discolored and I have corns on just about every toe, rather He is looking at what my feet have purposed to do. My feet, despite their outward appearance according to man, have come to serve the Lord with good tidings. I researched synonyms for tidings. I found that tidings are good reports or Good News from the Lord in this regard. I bring the Good News of the Lord every other day or so on this blog, daily in my conversations, pretty much everywhere I sojourn. Using these beautiful feet, I go to and fro telling others of the peace that comes from Jesus, and of the wonders of salvation. Regardless of the lumps and bumps on my feet, the assignment of my feet, the obedient steps I take, and the joyful message brought by way of said feet are what makes them beautiful. Moreover, I am coming to love and accept myself, including my beautiful feet on the grounds of my reconciliation with God thus removing or changing the unhealthy, unfavorable relationship I once had with myself to the one Jesus died for me to have.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come. Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

Lately, I’ve been studying the word of God with an increased hunger and thirst. My focus has been on my, our right standing with God. The enemy has used bullies (internal and external), low self-esteem, self-loathing, guilt, condemnation, and lies to convince me for the greater part of my life that I am inadequate, insecure, and unacceptable. Naturally, I assumed that God saw me the same way I saw myself. Glory, Hallelujah! God never saw ugly feet, inadequacy, or insecurity, God sees me in the light of Jesus’ blood. My right standing with God means that I do not have to apologize for being me. No longer do I have to settle for less, or feel inferior to mere humans. It is not a requirement that I am approved of by man; I have right standing with the Author of life itself. Even when I make a mistake, I can forgive myself quickly, as I do others because I have right standing with God; I have been reconciled with the King Himself.

God specifically instructed me to write about my feet and reconciliation. Why? Because I am not alone. For someone else, it may be that you came to despise some other integral aspect of yourself early on in life and still carry the shame and guilt of being you. Imagine the pain associated with feeling illegitimate and inappropriate, even just to be alive. We all have the same enemy who uses various tactics to trick us into believing that we do not have a favorable stance in God’s sight. Romans 8:30 speaks tenderly but boldly to our spirits, “And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.” Not only do we have right standing with God we have His glory. God’s glory is His power. We have access to the power of God. We can stand and war against the identity thief. We mustn’t allow him to continue to deceive us, bully us, and break us down with lies that could not be more contrary to God’s word, which is the final authority over our lives.

How can we fight for our identities in Christ? Well, I am arming myself with more and more supporting documents to prove who I am, namely the Word of God. In this country, when we go to apply for governmental assistance, or any assistance we must prove our citizenship which will simultaneously confirm our identities. With the Word of God, we can prove to ourselves and our enemy that we are heavenly citizens and our identity is in Christ. Hallelujah! These evidentiary scriptures are so powerful that the enemy will flee from us when we use them. We may have to present the evidence repeatedly on the same day, nevertheless, the evidence of our identity cannot be denied. We have right standing with God and the proof is documented, indisputable, and indestructible. This truth should cause us to hold our heads up a little higher today. We can boldly be who we were created us to be in the name Jesus because we have right standing with God regardless of others opinions of us.

free to worship

Hurtful to think the one I betrayed

Was my own self, believing lies; I prayed

For healing from damage I’d done to me

Thanking God, I am finally free

Even when I don’t feel it, I know that it’s true

I have a new name, Heaven’s my point of view

Virtuous by nature, beauty to the core

Oh, I thank God, Who heals and restores

 -Lady Jay

Images Courtesy of Pixabay