I refuse to hear God speak clearly, receive it, believe it, yet meander to the dead end street called doubt. It is noteworthy that I know several routes to Doubt St. God says I am “great”, I say “who me”! He says, “money will no longer be a problem for you”, and all I can see are my rugged villages of debt teeming with impossibility. God is too God, not a typo, for me to consistently challenge His accuracy. I am grateful for His patience. He never withdraws His hand from me because of my uncertainty in his certainty; however, according to the text, doubt does have a price tag.
“The angel said to him, ‘I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.'”Luke 1:18-20
The wages may be somatic illnesses from anxiety as a hobby, fearfully remaining on shore when we have “walk on water” ability. Frankly, I am done with the shore. I am just as finished with the boat. I want to stand on impossibility and walk peaceably. Simply because Jesus died so that I could do it. The devil does gloat when I doubt, second-guess, procrastinate, standing idly by why my destiny eludes. Not only am I hindering forward movement, I get uncomfortably closer to being who I once was when I do not move by faith. Zechariah received a word from Gabriel and doubted; he was chastised because of it. I wonder what have I lost, delayed, or been denied because of distrust in God.
I have grown in obedience, boldly stepping out of my boat of comfortability into God’s purpose for my life. Every inkling of my logic screams DOUBT!! There is always going to be a quandary between our logic and what God says either audibly, in His Word, or through others. How does God feel when we doubt? When my son was a few months old, he would wake up looking for sustenance. As his tired mother, I would head to the kitchen to prepare his bottle. When I would walk away from him to warm up the bottle, he would cry. As his mommy whenever he cried I immediately would go down the checklist of what he may need, but in this instance, I was already preparing what he needed. He just had to wait a minute. I am the same mother who put him to bed, changed him in the middle of the night so that he would not awaken to a soggy diaper. I knew he was hungry but I waited for him to wake up and get ready to eat, then I would warm the bottle for him.
When my son doubted that he was going to get fed, as if I did not feed him yesterday, I was hurt. I provided for him, loved him, with everything in me and more. How did he not understand that I was preparing something for him? Well, he was a baby, so that is expected. But how many of us are mature in Christ yet babes in faith? How often, when God is waiting for His perfect timing to release healings, breakthroughs, deliverances are we slaves to fear? Some have even forsaken God because he took too long to bring back the figurative bottle. Oh Jesus, if we will remember who put us to bed, woke us, dressed us, forgave us, if we consider His credibility, His sovereignty we would become more doubtless and rejoice in waiting.
Henceforth, I am committed to making my thoughts, attitudes, actions, my entire being, trust God. I’m not just going to wait on the Lord, I am going to be of good courage.
Psalm 27:14 “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
Rejoicing in lack, loving with kindness, when Abba Father brings me my sustenance there will be a smile on his face as I would not have doubted. This is no small task, as Satan has permission to test me, my flesh will turn on itself and attempt to relapse on doubt, but we have the Holy Spirit to remind us of who God is and that He who promised is faithful.
“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.” Hebrews 10:23
Ostentatiously, we speak of our knowledge of God and how we are waiting for Him but I challenge us to consider that God is often waiting for us to get ready for what we are so diligently asking for. As my son wanted his bottle to be ready NOW, but he was not ready for it moments prior. He just woke up. I would not have warmed up his bottle 3 hours before he woke up, that would have been counterproductive. I will continue to pray and submit my request to God; however, not to the neglect of preparing myself for that which I am asking. God will smile as we wait patiently and prepare by faith. It takes faith to get ready for that which you never saw, but am trusting God for. Look at Noah, he built a boat for a flood caused by rain that no one had ever seen.
Lord help us trust you,
Help us forsake doubt
Rejoicing, waiting and believing
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