Downtrodden, uneasy, sweaty palms even,  I just want to fit in.  Cognitive dissonance penetrates my innermost self. Often, in order to “fit in” I must compromise what is important to me. Today, I hold fast to the word of God. 2 Timothy 2: 15 KJV “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

What a relief! I do not have to “fit in” to be approved of by God. In fact, often those used by God, mightily, did not “fit in”. Saul was a persecutor of the church, surely he was not favored by many, yet he penned a great deal of the New Testament. The woman with the issue of blood, was healed by a touch from God, thus a direct display of God’s power; however, she was shunned in society. Her faith, and her debilitating condition brought her to Jesus; she was healed and not accepted by man. The Son of God, himself, was a healer, and an outcast at the same time. Simultaneously, Jesus, is The Word of God in flesh, and the target of the popular religious leaders.

Where did this concept of the need for approval, and the neglect of my authenticity originate in me? I have been plagued by the fallacy that, if I am not like everyone else, or everyone’s favorite there is a problem. Perhaps, early on I placed too much value on the approval of others, and neglected to genuinely learn to love, and simply be me. Could Satan have implanted this cognitive distortion in my developmental years to keep me from my purpose? Days, precious days on end, I’ve spent trying to be accepted and like everyone else.

Enough, I cry out! I declare unapologetically, I am who I am. I am the woman called by God. The imperfect, flawed, beautifully scarred woman of God. I am His instrument. Surprisingly, God gets the glory when I am who He called me to be, not the reflection of others around me. In other words, I am to mirror Christ, and not my surroundings. In Jesus Christ, I am free to be me. I can laugh when no one else is laughing. Continue to use my gifts, and operate in my calling with or without followers.

Very few follow my Savior wholeheartedly, and it never will change who He is. Thank you Jesus! Regardless of the approval, acceptance, and cohesiveness of myself with others, I am originally, uniquely, sufficiently, and acceptably yours. Father God do what You will with me! Rather than ask, “Can I be me, please?”; I exclaim, “I am me!” This is not a license to be rude, inconsiderate, or narcissistic, but rather a position of complete and total acceptance of myself. I was created by He who was, and is, and is to come. My God, who emphatically stated, ” I am that I am” in Exodus 3:14.

Everyday, I apologize for being me. Apologizing for being myself is something that I do habitually almost as much as I blink or breathe. No more! From this day on, I will not apologize for being God’s creation, I will not apologize for my authentic greatness. No longer, will I bow down to mediocrity in an attempt to “fit in”.

Truly God’s,

Lady Jay