I often wondered why my words were similar to a bulldozer in my marriage. God has taught me that my role is not to point out flaws, demean, demand, accuse my husband; rather I am to be a PEST in regards to issues and our differences, or things that he does that used to have a negative effect on me.

The fact is, my husband and I are two different beings with varying perspectives on EVERYTHING. Unbeknownst to me, I was attempting to mold my husband rather than accepting, admiring, and respecting him. The word of God, spells out man’s need for respect and women’s need for love.

I approached my marriage ready to love him like I want to be loved and never considered that his needs may be different from my own. I like phone calls, conversation, compliments, and affection. He prefers total acceptance, unconditional positive regard, trust, and respect.

I show my trust for my husband now by not reminding him of something tons of times. I demonstrate my acceptance of him by not offering unsolicited advice and suggestions. I respect my husband by submitting to him. When I submit to my husband I submit to God.

This is not representative of every marriage, there are instances where this manner of submission would cause the wife harm. The purpose of this is to mirror my revelation of what works in marriage from a wife’s perspective.

For the acronym PEST, God has taught me the following.

P- Pray for him constantly. Not that God will change him but that God’s will be done in him, and that I learn how to be the woman of God he needs.

E- Encourage on every occasion. Men need encouragement as much as women. Nagging puts a wedge between us; encouragement is more welcoming. Encouragement actually makes me more attractive. I thought my body, makeup, and feminism attracted him; these attributes are attractive to a man to a degree. However, a praying, encouraging wife is the truly more beautiful.

S- Silence is the triple threat. I’m not a mute. I am a very vocal person. I didn’t stop being me, I just don’t walk around pointing out flaws, imperfections, mistakes, or what’s wrong all day. Instead I focus on the improvements and positive aspects. Suprisingly, the positives outweigh the negatives. Why focus on a minimal issue that is not life threatening. My mantra is if it is not life or death why dwell on it. I cannot encourage and pray for my husband if internally my attitude is focused on what he didn’t do.

T- Time is crucial. Often I expect growth in about the amount of time it takes to pop popcorn. Marriage is not that way. My spouse has spent 30 plus years doing things his way, and I the same. For us to become one we have to grow together.

Read 1 Peter 3 to cross reference our role as wives. I do not focus so much on his role. That is between him and God.

Please like and share this if it was beneficial in any way.

Yours in Christ,

Lady Jay